Becoming Women

PS: This is a copyleft, collaborative, unfinished website. If you want to add, change, enhance something, send an email to gabifagundes4@gmail.com, who will allow you editing.

I have discovered decisions that are shaping my being such as "being a woman is weakness", "I cannot be a woman unless I die", "the only possibility is to suffer, because I was born a woman" and I am committed to exalt this. I choose to discover, reconstruct and inhabit a new construct of what it is to be a woman, I choose to be the possibility in action of something different than what I have learned about being a woman in the patriarchy. Thank you for being part of my team. I feel afraid of this commitment because I don't know who I will become and because I feel afraid of taking up space and being liquid and not being able to do my job. And I feel happy that I said Yes and that I have such an amazing team of women!

One word has the ability to activate in you images, sensations, emotions, feelings, memories, behaviors, rules, thoughts, beliefs, opinions, judgments.

'Woman'. What does this word cause in you? What are the images? What are the rules? The feelings? If you declare yourself as woman, how does this make you inhabit the body, the world? If you don't declare yourself as woman, what does this word 'woman' activate in all your structures? What are the first things that come to the surface before you think? I invite you to stop for five minutes and write down everything that comes to mind.

Phrases, words, images. 'object', 'beauty salon', 'sacrifice', 'care', 'creation', 'submission', 'danger', 'weakness', 'can't talk too loud', 'must take care of herself', 'polite, polite'.... Each person has created a unique construct around the word 'Woman', as well as 'Man'. From your own experience, culture, life experiences, you have begun to lay the bricks that make up this infrastructure that you now inhabit, at the individual level and also at the collective level.

Within this research I will refer to 'woman' with a small letter as an uninitiated woman. An uninitiated woman is basically a different name for a slave within patriarchy. Object. No voice. No authority. Follow what is set. She diminishes herself. Silences itself. There is a hidden benefit to being in that position. When you are a slave, people tell you what to do, you don't have to take responsibility, you can be a victim, you can take resentment and take revenge. The time of slavery may have passed but you remain a slave.

I honor the women who came before me and who created a path to get here so that it is possible for me to be writing these words at this moment. I honor every woman who made it possible for my words to come out of my hands and be recorded on this paper. I have probably died in other lives as a woman without being able to speak.

In this life, even in other times, it may be that in your attempt to refuse to be that woman object of patriarchy, you just like me, refused to fit those definitions by fighting. You created ways to survive and not let yourSelf be crushed by this cramped construct. You may have learned to be strong, independent, a warrior who goes into battle and does everything on her own. You fight, you rebel, because the fear of being trapped again is greater than the fear of Being your purpose on Gaia. You do everything to prove your worth and prove that you are as good as a man, maybe even better than a man.

This is a way to perpetuate the patriarchy within yourself. By refusing to be a woman, I refuse to have the chance to create something different.

What keeps you in the Patriarchy? "Doing." It is one of the ways we learn to value only one polarity of our own cycle. In Patriarchy it is not possible to be a Woman. Everything that is offered within the patriarchy does not support space for a Woman to flourish. The energy of doing reigns supreme in Western culture and seems to lack intuition, time and internal discipline for introspection. When only the Masculine operates within you alone, it becomes an egoic force of destruction. This is exactly what is happening in the environment and the economy. The feminine energy, this archetypal energy, is available to one and all. However, the woman is being massacred in the patriarchy.

And how is it possible to get out of patriarchy? By killing the patriarchy in me.

This website marks the beginning of a journey of exploration into what else is possible within the territory that is Being Woman. An endless journey from being a Woman to Being Woman. A Woman initiated into her own power and her own voice that is able to collaborate with initiated Men and with Gaia. A Woman who inhabits her body. A Woman who dances with all her parts. Talking about becoming an Archeacal Woman is about being on the path of discovering your unique question in the world, becoming the space in which my archetypal lineage flows through me. Delivering my service into reality; it's about what the people around me are becoming

Sexuality and Sex are drawn in Modern Culture as taboo not by mistake. Sex is one of the central support structures of Patriarchy.

Why do people get so excited and excited when they start talking about sex? Why do you get so caught up in sex? Why do you feel it in you? No.

You are so overwhelmed because in it, in a way, you die. You die in sex, and deep inside that is what you are looking for, death. You search desperately for something to make you forget this disturbing world you live in. You have learned to have sex to forget. To get rid of it. You use sex to numb yourself, to forget, to empty yourself. You should go into sex high and come out even higher than before, not go in low and come out relieved. But this doesn't really work, because seconds after the orgasm is over, you start to remember the suffering all over again. That is the great attraction of sex, when you keep it taboo, you keep the possibility of access to the divine buried (adapted from Lee Lozowick)

Sex has the possibility of being regenerative. When sex is seen for what it really is, which is communion with the goddess and the god, then the pleasure you get from sex becomes grounded in reality. You need to be grounded in reality. "The divine is not discovered by becoming more and more distant, but by becoming more and more normal" (adapted from Lee Lozowick)

What really gets through to you has nothing to do with the parts of the body being touched. It has a connection with attitude, with presence. Men will always be a mystery to women, and vice versa. Becoming technical about something is the best way to destroy the mystery. No amount of technical proficiency will affect a communion with the divine.

The church sows and waters this idea that paradise and the divine is something that is attained after death. The after, the heaven, the distant. However, the divine is not to be discovered in heaven. If that were the case, we would be in heaven and not here.

Sexuality used as a form of domination or a tool as a form of bargaining serves to feed the patriarchy in you. Sexuality has the possibility to be expressed in the relationship between two people as the fullness of their life together, not as just another "tie". Sexuality carries the possibility of being the embodiment of the divine and wholeness between individuals. Sex provides a kind of vulnerability that is not found anywhere else. It is a chemical vulnerability.

How much of your sex is fantasy and how much is physicality?

What we see on TV, in magazines, in pictures is what we adopt as what it is to be sex.

This image of what it is to be sex is a naked girl.

But to feel sex is a sensation.

What is 5 body sex? How does my femininity, my sexuality support my work? What is it to be feminine? Does it come from my clothes? From my hair? Why do I shave? What are other possibilities for sexuality in the next culture other than exchange, consumption, and pleasure for pleasure's sake? How can I know myself while having sex? What is beyond sex?

All energy is sexual. Energy of feelings, of gaia, polarity. Sexual energy is actually much more neutral than we learn and than it appears to be. Sex is taboo, and the only thing people think about it is pleasure and penetration.

What if so far you have only experienced patriarchal sex? Every movement of an uninitiated man is to have an orgasm, we have learned to be good girls, just follow the norm, so when we give a man an orgasm, we feel done and fulfilled. What is this uninitiated part in me looking for? What does an uninitiated woman want? To have proof. Proof that she has love. The only voice and message that is running through the system is "please love me, hold me and take care of me, that's all I need". That part is not going away from you. It is a part of you, but it is not you. What else is possible beyond that?

What does an Initiated Woman want? What does an Initiated Man want?

The relating space between two Beings is a field of possibility that you have to find my next step. How do I kill love? How do I kill intimacy? How do I kill presence?

A WOMAN SHARE SOME OF THE HEALING PROCESSES SHE WENT THROUGH

THE ANGER ABOUT MEN

"Today I discovered emotions that surprised me and that I'll go deep during this journey. I started feeling a huge anger about men. A hateness burning inside of me. I got scared about this anger, i didn't know that I had so much anger inside of me directed to men. I always had a lot of men's friends. I love my father. I love my brother. I love my friends and my partner.

I allow for the first time express a bit of this angry that is stuck inside of me. I get angry about men always pretending to be strong, this little boys killing themselves and killing what is around them. I feel angry because most of the men I grew up around, and in Modern Culture I would say almost everyone, grew up around by tough, rough, irresponsible boys. I feel angry because the image Right at the beginning I feel disgust, nausea in my stomach.

That anger led me to a moment when I was 6 years old. I was playing in my room and my dad was trying to hug me. At different times he forced me to hug him. "Why are you touching me im not asking for that, you are invading my space.?". He enter and try to hug me by force, say that he loves me and miss me. He is laughing. I totaly scary. He is huge. I say No, I don't want that you hug me. He takes his belt and hits me. I'm your father and you need to respect me. I decided that not do what he wants is disrespectful. If I say something contrary to what he wants I will get punished. When I put my boundaries with a men , he is strong then me, I'll get punished. How is possible to be so agressive in a moment and then want to hug me. How its possible - You say that you love me and then you just fucking beat me, abusing me. I set a boundary and you crossed it and then you say that this is love.

Sometimes I feel this disgusting when some men hug me, or touch me. Sometimes it's painful receive touch.

After that my feelings guided me to another moment, when my mother was saying: it would be easier if you had been born a boy . If you were a man you wouldnt suffer like that. She said that after I got a school warning for defending myself when a boy touched me without my permission. Come some flashs how I perceive as child my momy suffering being a woman. Listening things from men and just swaling. Doing and doing works at home when my dad was drinking beer and sleeping all they long. She killing her dreams to be a"goos mother". This sacrifice. I DECIDE its painful and suffering to be a woman. Being a woman not allow me to be who I am. Being a woman is suffering. I don't want to be a woman. I want to play without being interrupted. I want to say no and say what I want and not be beaten or punished for it. I don't want to have to clean things up, be polite, polite, caring, housewife. "I need to help my mum at home you need to do all these. Why my brother doesnt do anything, why only me."

I access a deep sadness in my womb. This rection about be woman. It's sacrifice. I see my grandmas, my mother, my cousings selling their lives to be with men. I saw they rejecting their womanhood and feminity. I grow up seem my momy selling her life shes selling her life. I tried to hide that I'm woman. When i get my first bleed I hide for one year, because i didnt want to be a woman. I cant be a woman because its suffering and sacrifice. (I sense that this is central in my research) I've been rejecting my womb. I see that I put concret, ciment. Everytime i connect with a woman there is this power and my womb is shaking and there is so much pain when im surrounded by women.

My womb is screaming to be outside of this cage. "I need to prove to men that i can do things even though your a women. I learned to using my anger outside to fight and to prove that im strong. I need to play strong. I need to be more intelligent than these boys so that they respect you. I need to go outside and live outside my parents house so they respect who i am. Be a man or be a woman is always in the way." "I feel anger because im feeding this picture of what modern culture gave me about men and women. Dont have space to do what I came here to do. They say I cant be so unpolite, I cant be so clear and so bold." But I'M CLARITY. I feel sadness to notice how many things are there about this being woman topic. How numb i actually was to it."

AVOIDING TO EXPERIENCE LOVE

" I had been holding an expectation that men will invade my space, I will be abused. It's like I'm always on the prowl, waiting for the moment when this will happen again. I feel sad to realize how much resentment is being created when I receive love, affection, care from a man, because this expectation is not being fulfilled. It's crazymaking because my being want experience love and touch and everytime I receive that from a men I get angry, I feel disgusting, and it was so uncousciouss that scary me.

I discovered how I try to avoid experiencing love with men because of this expectation. In the past, this expectation protected me, it constantly left me in this state of alert, waiting. I imported it from my mother and grandmother. It was the way they learned to protect themselves in the patriarchy. "Be careful, don't wear that outfit, you'll draw a lot of attention. Men are no good, they're disgusting. Don't walk in the street at this time, they'll hurt you. If you go to school dressed like that, your classmates might touch you". Throughout life abuses happened and this was just confirmed. All kinds of abuse turned into yet another proof "you see, men are no good, at any moment it will happen again".

I have maintained that expectation to this day. Even in the last year that I've been discovering whole new territory with regard to being a woman and being in relation to men, this old pattern remained even then. I chose to withdraw that expectation today and forever.

I choose to create something different. I choose to collaborate with initiated men. I choose to inhabit the archetypal feminine and collaborate. I'M GUARDIAN OF MY BODIES I'm also starting a researching with mens, what they really want?"

INNER CONSTRUCT

"I found out that when I was abused at age 5 I put my beauty, femininity, anger, power, dignity inside a doll, a babuska. As child, in that moment, I decided that if I hid and removed these parts of my being I would be protected. I wouldn't call attention. All that energy and part of my being was contained, compressed within that small space.

I accessed a huge fear of letting that power return to my body. 'If I bring that part of me back it will happen again'. I also found anger and fear mixed in my heart, in my throat, in my stomach and in my womb. I took those emotions apart and put them back in my bones and nervous system. With this new capacity for anger, I managed to become my own boudarie. I removed my ex-boyfriend's energetic hand from around my neck."